He’s Not Worth It – Yet

He’s not worth it yet – and we’re not even talking about sex. We’re talking about your time, your energy, and especially your money. This really applies to all start-up relationships, but especially for potential long-term love relationships.  Don’t give new people the same benefits as you would friends that you’ve known for years.  They haven’t earned it yet, and you are worth more.  Give people time to prove they’re worth your time – instead of just assuming they are.
Let’s talk about opposite-sex relationships.  So you just met him last month (or re-connected last month, because you were in the same class 5 years ago, so you’ve really “known him” for over 5 years – stop it).  You’ve talked on the phone for a few weeks and you’ve gone out a couple times.  This is the time that gets dangerous for many women.  I’ve worked with many women who have lost five years of their lives because they weren’t cautious during the first 5 months.
Signs you may need to Sloooow Down:
  • You’re canceling appointments to be with him.
  • You’re planning to leave your cousin’s wedding early to meet him someplace.
  • You’ve told him all your family’s business – twice.
  • You step out of meetings at work (or even church!) to take his call – instead of just sending it to voicemail.
  • You let him visit with your kids around.
  • You’re buying him gifts, or worse yet – loaning him money.
  • You bring him to family or work functions.
  • You let him visit and your best friends/close family members don’t have his information.  Better safe than sorry.
  • You don’t know his middle name.
  • You haven’t verified his employment (oh, yes I did!).

Ok, so after you’ve talked a good while, gone out on a few dates, and he’s proven himself to be respectful – not just to you, but to the waitress, the lady at the drive thru, AND his mother – he may be worth it.  AFTER you see he has purpose in his life, he may be worth it.  AFTER he’s proven that he makes his money legally (don’t let me find out you both got pulled over and you didn’t know…), he may be worth it.  AFTER you’ve seen that your religious beliefs are in alignment, he may be worth it.  AFTER he’s met your other basic qualifications of a good man, THEN he may be worth your time, energy, and maybe a little extra effort. YOU are worth taking the time to find out.